#i am writing the book abt emma tho

[hauntingmesostunningly]

my oc headcanons

!! this is an exercise i’m doing with OC’s i’ve created for fics i’m writing, I do this to get to know my characters better and to help develop them into deeper and more complex characters. !!

(highly recommend doing if you’re any type of a creative writer its vv fun)

James O’Connell from Just a Summer Thing

17

hikes with his dog, sasha every weekend.

a bit of a homie-hopper

LOVES to fish

lacrosse boy (ick)

loves boating, swimming, and fishing in the lake in his town.

very popular

skateboards everywhere

takes sasha on her walks but skating with her running by his side

obsessed with dogs

his obsession with his pup and how good he is with little kids makes him pull hella bitches

has a little sister that he loves more than anything, he spoils her

works at the small business, local-run home depot type store in his town

has two moms

Augusta (August) Taylor from Just a Summer Thing

17

moved to the town from manhattan, nyc with her dad and dog

severe anxiety

bakes to forget her feelings

her mom died of cancer when august was 3

wants to be a baker when she grows up

has a wiener dog named weenie whom she loves very much

bikes everywhere

reads reads reads and reads more

stresses to get good grades

very close with her dad and is an only child

bisexual with a female preference. even tho her dad is accepting she’s not out.

iced latte addict

moved to the town after her dad got a new job working at a real estate firm

her dad started seeing this lady named Claire who worked at the same firm and August HATES claire.

claire hates weenie which only makes august hate her more and august tries to be a good sport but her dad and her fight about claire a lot.

suffers with disordered eating when she’s anxious, and tends to accidentally go days without eating when life is hectic

is a super helpless romantic

Bettilyn (Betty) Hugo from Just a Summer Thing

17

divorced parents but her dad lives in chicago so she lives with her mom and three little sisters

has lived in this town her whole life

natural redhead and hates it

bisexual and demigirl

she / they

lives on a farm with ducks, cows, alpacas, barn cats, horses, goats, sheep, a couple dogs and lots of chickens—though her family doesn’t profit off of it

loves animals more than people

when she’s anxious she’ll go out on the cow pasture and just sit.

used to get in trouble because she’d go missing for hours just for her parents to find her in the fields talking to the animals

refuses to see a therapist and claims that cows are great listeners thank you very much

has a special bond with a certain alpaca named willow

works at the coffee shop slash cat cafe slash book store chaos that her mom runs, and she hates it when the popular girls from her school come in

is a firm believer that skinny dipping is good for the soul

hates the party + drug + alcohol scene with a passion

has only 2 close friends, Ivy and Dorothea; and that’s all she needs.

Emmeria (Emma) Cohen from When Emma Falls In Love

23

speaks hebrew with her family

very successful actress

always cusses out the paparazzi in hebrew and finds it hilarious when they don’t understand what she’s saying

lives part time in LA and part time in New York, though her parents live in Tennessee

grew up in Memphis tennesee, since thats where her parents moved when they immigrated from israel

has naturally super curly hair but hardly anyone knows since she always keeps it straightened

emmy winning actress for her lead role in ‘The Last Star Of Endor’

lesbian but not out publicly

throws herself into her work unhealthily when everything else is spiraling

always goes and celebrates hanukkah with her sister (and her wife) and their parents to see their extended family in Haifa (Israel)

is gluten free

goes by emma because she gets less questions then if she goes by Emmeria

has a dog back home named cracker, who she named when she was six because “cracker” is the first word she learned in english

she always mixes up english and hebrew in her sentances

hates nepotism babies with a passion because her parents had to work so hard to even survive here in the us and provide for emma and her sister, and then emma had to work 3 times as hard to earn her spot in the industry and some people were just handed everything on a plate

chronically late and her publicist hates her for it

cannot follow interview training whatsoever so she always says random shit and leaves a mess for her publicist vera to help fix, but vera just finds it funny

thinks coffee is a sin to the mortal world

best friends with her costar, Star and very close with her sister and parents.

Elliara (Ellie) Cohen from When Emma Falls In Love

26

Emma’s older sister

works for the idf (israeli defense forces)

works as a K9-unit with her K9 Luna

loves her sister but is secretly scared that she wont be able to handle the pressure from the media

bisexual but hides it from her parents even if they are accepting of Emma, Ellie just can’t let go of that oldest sibling perfectionism

secretly has a girlfriend who she met working in Israel, they’ve been dating for three years and no one in Ellie’s family knows

Ellie and her girlfriend Miriam have talked about marriage but Ellie’s scared as shit of telling her parents that she not only dated a girl in secret for three years but also found the one she wants to be with forever and the one she wants to start a family with.

while working, Ellie’s sector was bombed and in the bombing while helping civilians to the bomb shelter, she injured her leg to the point of amputation. in the hospital there, Miriam went face to face with Emma and Ellie’s parents

after recovering from the surgery, Ellie trained Luna to be her Ptsd service dog, and ellie, luna, and miriam moved to the us to be closer to ellie’s family and to start their own.

is very content working at the israeli comfort meets american comfort food diner she and miriam started while miriam is pregnant with their first child.

[nakedhiddles]

i try to put alot of respecc on senpai nolan, since he was one of my inspirations to be a film director back in high school, but also you can't ever deny he hot af tho OwO

(i say senpai as i joke tho ;;w;; *wheeze*)

ok sit down story time.

same here, he is still the reason. I always liked movies and going to the theater and when I first saw a movie of his in theater, interstellar, pretty much everything changed, and since then, bc of that evening and all - the experience - , I wanted to be a film director too. I could literally spend all day talking abt that day, that evening that I went to see interstellar with my parents, of how I felt watching the movie, feeling every bit of it, falling in love with everything that I saw and heard, being completely taken away to somewhere else and struck with so much, so many things in this movie that I take extremely personal. I say and I am not joking - I entered that theater as someone, and left as someone else - I remember how I felt, I remember the cold air hitting my face covered in tears, my eyes wide open while I was shaking and having hickups. when I think of a moment to come back in time to and feel everything again, I think of that evening.

I still have the photo of the ticket, (I didn't keep the actual ticket cause it's that thin yellow paper that fades away) I found it last year in my Google photos backups. this movie is my BABYYY and I'll forever protect it from anyone, be damned I'll protect it even from its creator if I have to lmao.

I never really paid attention to the person making the movie, I just went to see bc I knew "it's the movie from the person who made batman" oh I loved the batman movies, yeah I'll watch it. well

and it's a KARMA STORY too... bc I saw first time, interstellar trailer on July 31st, in imax, when I went to see guardians of the galaxy, and guess what? trailer came on, I completely ditched and shitted on it telling my friend next to me "eh another boring astronaut movie that goes to the moon and everything goes to shit, conspiracy theory bullshit cliche movie" bruh... to 5 months later... and I get completely obliterated by this movie. (imagine that scene of Loki getting smacked by b 13 in the first episode of Loki - I am Loki and the movie is b 13)

I remember two years after seeing it, I got to write and direct this project for history class in high school, it was so amazing, it was so simple and so silly but I loved doing it, I remember my teacher congratulating me and I started to cry bc I was just so happy and I kept thinking of my fav movie and just being overwhelmed by thinking if "this is what I'll do with my life". with time, bc I am moron that doesn't look up shit, I become a fan very slowly... so when tenet trailer released it was all excitement around and after that I am here...

in the gutter, bc I started to dig into this guy's movies a lot, I thought "oh ok this guy made my fav movie that helped me to go through so much during extremely hard time in my life, I am gonna check out the rest"

I did?? I checked too much and now I am here calling him "daddy material" bc he is, as you say, very hot 😭 did finding out he is the voice behind those creepy breathing sounds from tenet ost help? yes or definitely? (EMMA HOW'D YOU LET HIM DO THIS TO ME??? DID HEAR THOSE SOUNDS? CONTROL YOUR MAN GODDAMNIT)

when I found out abt the book Tom shone wrote I became obsessed to read, I found it online for #free started reading it in March 2021, but since I am an espetacular procrastinator in reading, it's March 2022 and I still even got to the 5th chapter, which is about inception, I made my first credit card so I couldn't buy a copy, I cried when it arrived cause the book is GORGEOUS. it's all red, hard cover, so pretty, has this hot stamping on the spine, has even the specs in the last page abt the book project ( I am a graphic designer, I love to see all those details). I've been all heart eyes over this book since it arrived.

I cried when Jess posted this video on her ig showing the interstellar script in this hard cover format in all red (my fav color) and she was also talking abt him I was like 😍😭😍😭😍😍😭😭😍😍😭😍😍😭😭

ppl like this grows on me, passionate ppl who love what they do, that cares about the experience, the whole process, that craftsmanship of the work, who has vision and works to bring it to life, it's insanely amazing what he does, it's this incredible amount of love and care involved in every step of making a movie that warms my heart and soul, I see it through his movies, the echo of this man's passion, I just love it so much. and since I started seeing all movie's behind the scenes, you just finally get it. he is so focused on his works, he does it so well, he cares about the quality, and oh... he is such a sweet humble man, I can't get enough of him.

oh boy end of story, this ended up being so long

[hannie-dul-set]

hi i'm a big fan of ur work :> (im on anon cuz shy)

anyways i noticed that u read a lot, so do you have any book recommendations? i'm trying to expand my reads and all i've read so far are YA/fantasy novels

omg hellooooo<3

actually, i don't read a lot HUHU i would like to read more but i don't have the budget to buy more books </3 (i'm physically incapable of focusing on my phone so i need the actual thing HUHU) but anyway, i hope my limited selection can satisfy ur needs in some way :'>

okay starting off with a book i'm currently reading and doing a terrible job on it because i don't have a physical copy HAGDBSJ— a little life by hanya yanagihara!

genre according to fanfic criteria: slice of life, domestic fiction, found family trope, ANGST fucking aaghdjdkska PAIN.

two things you need to know abt this book is that it's (1) long, and (2) SAD. very sad. i was already crying before the angsty parts came in because u just get so ATTACHED to the characters ugh i'm in love with willem.

another thing u need to know is that this book deals with a lot of triggering and sensitive topics. so if ur planning on reading it, please read through this list of trigger warnings before you do.

OKAY the next two will be from the legend himself, haruki murakami:

norwegian wood— bro i cried. that's not a surprise because i cry all the time but THE WRITING?? IS SO GOOD??? god i take so much inspiration from murakami's words bcs it's so???? bro u just gotta read it to find out it's SO—

genres: romance, coming of age, there's lots of sex and sex talk and it's just v explicit be warned HAGSHJA

also just a note abt murakami's writing is that he uh..... writes women.... evidently through the male gaze (ahem boobs) so take that as u will 😐.

scrumptious writing tho ooh lala

next one is after dark— this book is SO VIBEY like i don't fucking know what the hell happened here but i enjoyed it nonetheless. so much music recs too HAHHAHA this was such a nice read.

okay no way in hell am i gonna make a rec list and NOT mention my queen jane austen so let me just recommend all six od her novels because they're MWAH. ranked from my most favorite to least<3:

persuasion— GOD HOW DO I EVEN CONDENSE THIS okay. so much yearning. SO MUCH!!! YEARNING!!! it's always been you trope??? a love that endures??? CAPTAIN WENTWORTH'S LETTER AT THE END GOOD GOD RUIN MY LIFE!! NOW!!!

emma— read for a hecking good time<3 so much misunderstandings HAHA fuck this was so entertaining equal parts laugh. equal parts HOLLERING. very sexy book.

okay the next three are relatively the same rank

northanger abbey—if there was a modern rendition (maybe working on smthng like this rn) it would be a girlie being way too obsessed with wattpad books and trying so hard to believe that she is starring in one herself. also the male lead is to DIE FOR he's so fucking sWOON WORTHY I FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM NO JOKE I FELL IN LOVE.

pride & prejudice— don't think i have to say a lot abt this LMAO. except for the fact that you'll more vividly see the spiraling of mr. darcy into his state of whipped-ness with lizzie.

mansfield park— currently rereading.....god this was so good but for some reason i'm having a lot of trouble trying say anything about it HAHAHAH.

sense & sensibility— least favorite out of the six but still good 👍 (i am actually marriane dashwood, save for the fact that i'd up marrying someone almost the same age as my dad).

LAST ONE is the song of achilles by madelline miller! pretty sure you've heard about this already HAGDBSJ

i cried so fucking much like straight up SOBBING my tears wouldn't stop aahahah. the writing too??? GOD TIER. THE HEAVEN'S CRIED TOO. fuck.

this book ruined me thnx.

just for a little addition, i'm linking my have read/tbr list here too, just in case HAHAH hope this helped, and happy reading bb<3

[bo0zey]

Pick your favorite questions from the list.

i will do them all for u 0.o

1. Name cianna [see-ah-nah]

2. Nationality mexican irish german romanian hungarian french

3. Age 20

4. Birthday december 17, 1999

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) sun: sagittarius; ascendant: leo; moon: aries

6. Gender female

7. Sexuality uhhhhhhhhhhhh idk but i will willingly kiss either gender

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) /tagged/my-face or u could just google pictures of fat rats

9. What do you/did you study? I’m currently a sophomore nursing major!

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I’m currently a microbiology TA and I love it :) My dream job would be something with animals, like a vet tech or veterinarian

11. Your birth order i’m the oldest!

12. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger brothers

13. Do you have good relations with your family? my mom was my best friend, my dad and i get along better now that i’m in college, my brothers and i get along pretty well & we’re staring to get closer now that they’re getting older n growing up n developing their own personalities lol

14. How many friends do you have? errrr idk this is a hard question. i have a lot of acquaintances but i’d say i have maybe like less than 10 real friends??

15. Your relationship status single :D

16. What do you look for in a SO? funny!!!!!!!!!must be humorous!!!!and sarcastic and a little weird w darker sense of humor so we can laugh n be dumb together!!!!!!! also i would like them to be kind to me and those around them bc mean ppl suck. also they have to like animals. also i would like them to be loyal and trustworthy and 110% in love w me. and for physical stuff idk kinda attractive but NOT CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE like i personally don't really like the typically ‘attractive’ person??? 

17. Do you have a crush? currently in love w the cute chinese boy who lives across from my dorm room even tho i have never even spoken to him n he is totally unaware of my existence!!!!!!!! hahah oops :D

18. When did you have your first kiss? i mean technically 3rd grade i think but that doesn't really count so like maybe 16????

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? i mean in the long term i would definitely like to have a serious relationship but at the moment i’m only into casual stuff bc my heart isn't ready to be broken again sknfkjdbnkjd

20. What are your deal breakers? errrr i’m not sure....cheating is a no no, ppl that are interested in fucking every single person they see is a turn off, DUMB PEOPLE like ppl you can't even have a proper conversation with bc they're so DUMB, and ppl who r mean/judgmental/arrogant

21. How was your day? ok! accidentally slept thru my math class but caught a glimpse of my crush across campus when he was abt to smoke a cig and i got chipotle n i online shopped a ton from shein

22. Favourite food & drink deep dish spinach pizza from giordano’s & orange vitamin water

23. What position do you sleep in? i fall asleep on my left side hugging a body pillow

24. What was your last dream about? ate a braid of hair and inside the braid was bacon

25. Your fears not going to make it thru nursing school, not being financially stable as an adult, not having a family of my own, probably more but those r currently top 3

26. Your dreams i don't have any idk....maybe having like a house of my own and having as many animals as i want?? and i would like a loving partner with a daughter of our own

27. Your goals survive nursing school and lose 40 pounds and don't die before my cat

28. Any pets? i have a dog named cherry Cola, a cat named Leto, and a betta fish named Perc

29. What are your hobbies? writing stories about people in love, listening to music

30. Any cool places in your area? in my college town??? NO it sucks. in my hometown??? Not really it’s a small lil village with only restaurants and parks. but at home i’m near downtown chicago so that’s cool i guess

31. What was your last awkward situation? the first thing that comes to mind is my FIRST and so far ONLY encounter with my crush. we live in the same dorm building and i was wearing my nursing scrubs and had no make up on and about to go upstairs to my dorm, and then i heard footsteps and i was like ‘hahaha what if its my crush’ AND THEN HE FUCKIGJNG appeared from down the hallway to go back to HIS DORM [which is RIGHT ACROSS FROM MINE] and i literally STARED at him, then threw open the door and RAN UP THE STAIRS LIKE I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME AND HE WAS LIKE SO CLOSE BEHIND ME I WAS JUST SO NERVOUS MY FLIGHT OR FIGHT RESPONSE TOOK OVER AND I FUCKING FLED I LITERALLY RAN AWAY FROM HIM I AHTE MYSELF SO MUCH IM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!

32. What is your last regret? errrrr idk i regret a lot of dumb things.......

33. Language/s you can speak English n a LITTLE bit of Spanish

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) i’m really into zodiac stuff and i have got to say they are pretty spot on in accuracy idk

35. Have any quirks? ummmm ofc!!i am the quirkiest person i know hajnjfxbkjx like if u asked my roommates/friends they’d probably be better at answering this than me bc i don't see anything abt me as quirky but they always tell me i am quirky and do weird things but idk man I'm just existing 

36. Your pet peeves err idk currently its ppl that constantly brag about dumb shit

37. Ideal vacation somewhere warm with me + the ocean + the loml + unlimited alcohol

38. Any scars? yeah :D both emotional AND physical!!!!

39. What does your last text message say? ‘ok thats a more than fair statement’

40. Last 5 things from your search history how many carbs should i eat, chipotle bowl calories, is the grim reaper the angel of death, ceftriaxone adverse effects, red man syndrome

41. What's your [device] background? lockscreen is a peach-theme background i made and home screen is my weight loss goals

42. What do you daydream about? the characters in my stories.................and being skinny 

43. Describe your dream home pretty brick house??? flowers outside??? 3 floors--main floor, basement and upstairs??? 3 bedrooms n 3 bathrooms maybe??? master bedroom has its own bathroom!!! and open concept main floor. big kitchen and very homey n warm all around. as for like an apartment i want something cozy and aesthetically pleasing and warm 

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion i don't have a religion but if ppl do have a religion then thats not my business

45. Your personality type entj but only bc i got 3% extraverted; i am very closely related to intj tho n i think i fit that one better

46. The most dangerous thing you've done uhhhhhh probably operating a vehicle while high out of my mind. definitely the dumbest thing i ever did 0/10 would recommend anyone ever doing that

47. Are you happy with your current life? its ok but it could probably be better. i want to be done w college and skip to the part where i have a successful career and my own home and i can lay up w the loml every night

48. Some things you've tried in your life alcohol???weed??gummy edibles....

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? sweaters/sweatshirts/leggings

50. Favourite colour to wear? black, maroon, peach, purple, gray, idk

51. How would you describe your style? oh jeez idk i wear whatever i want so like e-girl when i really try and basic white girl when i don't care

52. Are you happy with your current looks? no i hate everything about myself lol

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? more freckles on my face....also be thinner n have longer hair

54. Any tattoos or piercings? my nose and septum are pierced!

55. Do you get complimented often? kinda by my friends but i always yell at them to stop so they don't compliment like as much bc they know i hate it but they still do it sometimes idk

56. Favourite aesthetic? i wanna be an e-girl yo!!!!!!!!! 

57. A popular trend that you dislike nobody has a crush on me and i hate it

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with? pied piper by BTS

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like. anything by BTS lol i used to like be embarrassed for how much i like k pop but now i don't really care lol #stanBTS2020

60. Favourite genre? rap/r n b/alternative

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? i listen to every genre except country sooooooo yeah i really like billie eilish, BTS, the weeknd, juicewrld, lil nas x, trippie red, post malone,

62. Hated popular songs/artists? i don't rlly like selena gomez or justin bieber or taylor swift

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 only - RY X i.f.l.y. - Bazzi novacane - frank ocean jungle - drake bang! - trippie redd

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? no and no

65. Do you like karaoke? no but i like to sing along to songs when I'm alone

66. Own any albums? haha noooo i got apple music son

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? errr RARELY i used to listen to r n b stations tho

68. Favourite movie/series? idk donnie darko?? i also just finished tharntype n that was really good. also i liked tokyo ghoul. AND GIVEN IS REALLY GOOD

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc i like horror/scary/paranormal/funny movies and i like love stories in books

70. Your fictional crush/es danny phantom, ken kaneki

71. Which fictional character is you? uhhhh idk...

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so frerard, ryden, taekook, mewgulf

73. Favourite greek god? idk they all kinda suck but maybe hades

74. A legend from where you live that you like i don't really know any:(

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist? i like to look at art! i think van gogh is cool

76. Can you share your other social media? ig: ciannnna venmo: ciannnna

77. Favourite youtubers? i don't really watch youtubers but maybe shane dawson and emma chamberlain

78. Favourite platform? twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much time

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite? i once played GTA5 that was fun!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) idk i don't really read anymore:/ i was into the hunger games and the twilight series when i was young. now i kinda read online manga and i really liked BJ Alex and killing stalking. and like for online books the unholyverse series, a splitting of the mind, the anatomy of a fall

82. Do you play board/card games? no but i like to play checkers and uno and cards against humanity

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? nopee

84. Favourite holiday halloween is cool also christmas is alright bc gifts

85. Are you into dramas? i’ve been getting into thai boys love dramas lol sue me

86. Would you use death note, if you had one? um YES.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? everyone needs to be a little kinder and have a crush on me

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? absolutely not I'm not physically fit and don't have useful skills

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? vampire duh [or maybe ghost]

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? i want to see my mom

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? idk something cool ... i love the name Daisy

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? idk probably kylie jenner

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo idk the alien? 94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true -im very productive with my time management skills -my favorite color is purple -i don't get nervous when I'm alone in public

95. Cold or hot? cold

96. Be a hero or be a villain? anti-hero

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? sing if i’m good at it but if I'm not good then rhyme

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?immortal

100. ..... or .....? ......?

[vamprefaggot]

Flower crown - old books

aksjdf

~aesthetic asks~ + all this under the cut

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

i’m not sure tbh? i dot sing a lot((i sang a thing for leah but idk if that counts))

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

if we’re all going to survive this literal apocalypse 

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

idk but i recently repainted my fan blades and they look really nice

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

kadsfh my fifth birthday party at the aviary 

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

i mean more reckless probably

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

yee but its not v organised p much its 1. shoot myself in the leg 2. stab myself somewhere idk where and 3. hug all the peeps

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

umm they’re slightly taller than i am, with shaved sides and the top of their hair is maybe jaw length and dyed purple, they have a rainbow jumper they wear a lot, v sweet, hates emma just as much as josh and i do, they draw occasionally, also gay, i’m p sure @bitchface-malone-the-eighth knows who i’m talking abt bc they go to our school.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

yeah?

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

lmao years and years ago

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

prim bc she’s absolutely amazing and i could probably just sit with her under the stars and gush for hours wOO

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

probably not

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

umm i think it was either prim last night or josh a while ago and they’re both friends

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

probably i’m sorry and i had a huge crush on you to Lav

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

yessss 

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

ew do i have to

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

Hail the Worm

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

buy a smallish house and pay it off immediately, and put the rest in an account for later

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

ehh not rally i’m v bitter and angry but i usually just kinda “fuck you” and be done with it bc ugh and its fine i guess its just kinda how it is

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

“Dear me:You’re reaaaally gay. Dont pretend you want to be with Dillon. You don’t. I can guarantee you that. I know you don’t have friends now, but you will in highschool. And honestly, its not that scary. At all. You do really well. My only word of advice is be nicer to Ace, skip the whole “daddy hardware” thing, and don’t you dare skip out on math. Ms. Simms would not be proud of you for the amount of procrastinating in terms of math you do. I know quadratics aren’t your thing, but do them anyway. Dont die  -Me.“ EXACTLY ONE HUNDRED WORDS HAHA

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

punk, but i dont have a leather jacket and i reeeaaaallllyyy want one

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

yes both i want tattoos more tho

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

god no, too much work to put on well and take off and i look fine without

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

my chemical romance was my therapy during the summer between seventh and eighth grade tbh

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

We fucked up.

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

i haven’t actually been to any concerts bc the Loud is Scary

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

idfk

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

i have a desk but its completely covered in shit and i dont use that computer anymore so

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

brush my teeth and pass out

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

exactly how little sleep i get

[aitian]

Oct 1 2019

Tuesday 11:35 pm

August was fine. I spent time with mom & dad & there were moments. I made pants w mom, mom gave me a nice bob cut, i went to wegmans to eat in the cafeteria w mom sometimes & adele at other times, i passed my drivers test & got my wisdom teeth pulled out, & i did not work on my book. I moved into college & nneka had a lot of friend drama and i felt like am imposter in the irc bc black women should be free in this space without me watching but also they believe in many of the evil col*mbia things i cant think good things abt. I began classes & had a scare when i wasn’t supposed to sign up for my grad student class but i interviewed during office hours & it was fine. i now think honestly i am one of the better students but the class is kinda a mess. so are my other classes. surprisingly cc is very good & i enjoy my prof.

September was less fine but we did it. aside from classes, i am feeling more and less in tough w my femininity. like i present with longer hair now but feel like my body is really awful for ppl to interpret still, and is end up wearing a hat every other day. Mom called me last night & told me she was back from china, my grandparents are fine for now probly, and jimmie/alice’s dad d*ed. I don’t rly know how to process this information but jimmie liked my instagram post last night. that’s so awful.

Some good memories:

- first day of lion dance practice i sweat so much & emma has such good skin they just glow on low plaza under the soft night lamps & i actually had a lot of fun moving around & being around emma & afterward we all went to get free gong cha & i got a mango slush w basil seeds bc i was like wow it’s paid for try smth fancy & i went to emilys woodbridge apt & Claire was there making pottery & emma was talking to them when i walked in & it was so pleasant to see them together and then emma also came to do pottery & we all sat together in claires big bedroom/living room at night & talked & i felt like a part of a rly nice warm family even tho everyone else is not that nice and warm feeling abt each other to some numbed extent bc of crushes & bad behavior & etc but i rly had such a good night

- i went to the ny art book fair with grace & we met emma there & looked at zines & claire came later & i was like wow these ppl who i don’t even know very well took time out of their day to b with me & then emma & i took the train back & i talked to emma abt anarchy & chinese folktales & daoism on the train ride back & also mia mingus on leaving evidence at some point but yea i rly liked sharing time with them on the ride back then i took a nap i shouldn’t have taken & left late to go to my first day of tutoring & ended up being 15 mins late bc the one train goes express on weekends but i stayed for 30 mins extra & got paid 100 for an hr!! i was standing in the elevator with two 50 dollar bills in my hand like??? what??? this is my life? rich ppl just have money to do whatever with ?????? also side note yesterday i taught her how to draw a circle given a center & radius without plotting a bunch of points from solving the equation 💩

- after the wow information session i went back home with em & we cooked noodles together & em told their roommates that there were so many leaks in the kitchen & they all came and gathered around a bundle of leeks on the cutting board & the wow info session had such good black sesame moon cakes bc they were home made & smth abt the freshness just makes them so 香 but yea it was so nice to talk to em & share some hugs & food & it rly reminded me of those times last yr when em randomly invited me over to eat noodles & take care of me & tbh that’s the only non-parent love that feels so real that i can cry

- today was so awful bc it’s a Tuesday & that means i have printmaking from 10-4 & then chinese avant-garde 4-6 plus mei from wow could only call me at 1 today out of all the times this week so i spent my lunch break doing that & another stressful thing was my oral presentation in the grad student class that i was rly not prepared for. so i wake up around 8:30 & try to finish the reading i want to present abt bc i wanna review & don’t come close to finishing & head off to class & i had spent 3 hrs in the print show the previous day preparing materials for this class that we didn’t even use so im making a stupid book & it’s so stupid & i eat a few of my dumplings i fried in the 10 mins before class started & can’t eat them bc i feel watched & pressure to read & pressure abt how i don’t know anything abt what to do in this art class & ppl helping always feels like ppl telling me I’m stupid & also im just feeling bad in my body. so i unsuccessfully make 1 book after two attempts & then it’s 11:30 & i give up & just sit down to read & restless reading & then i go to lunch meaning i come to my room to read & at this point im feeling suuper queasy like dry mouth, throat closing up, feeling like i wanna throw up so i do & there isn’t rly much to throw up & it’s 12:59 & i think abt throwing up some more but i rush to drink water instead & the call comes at 1:03 & i am so cheery & have nothing to say so i just say all the things abt me & then she asks if i have any questions & i talk abt how amazing em is as if that’s an answer but not before telling her u have to go to class so we say bye & i go to class & tomas isn’t there yet even tho he looked me in the eyes earlier in the day & said he wants to meet with all of us for crit & so i ask joanna if we will be learning anything Jew in the afternoon & she says no & she would go if she were sick so i just put my stuff away & go to my room to finish (sorta) reading & type up a script for my presentation & then i tell xinni im leaving class around 2:45 so we go to the heyman center & i finish writing my part of the thing & putting pictures in & she finishes hers & we go to class & our presentation goes very well & lydia helps question ppl for discussion too so it’s not that awkward & i ask lydia abt what is avant-garde if were talking abt capitalists selling colonial modernity & anarchists in the same sentence & she spends the last half our talking abt how movements should resist definitions bc those delineations of boundaries are not conducive to discourse & so class ends & now im shivering bc im sick & i come back to drink some nyquil yay & chat with my ra & then nneka swipes me in to the dining hall but shes w the ra chatting for too long in a line that’s too long so i leave & sit in bed with my food to take a 15 min nap & by some miracle i get up to talk to grace & kyoko abt a workshop for apia-u & then aaa meeting happens & its whatever & i come back to my room- pretty sad day right? but i look at my phone & see Emma has sent me a video out of the blue called i love eggs & it’s just a song saying i love u abt eggs thatturn into superheroes & planes & rainbows & etc & idk if this is a super gay proposal or sorts or just super gay friend things but i think i interpret it as both. Finally i got an email from em saying they would love to welcome me as a wow intern & im sorta guilty bc it somewhat feels like i tricked em into making this happen for me by being pitiful but that’s such an awful thing to think & mostly i am very excited to work with em & see em & go to Chinatown & be tender & goofy & also earn a bit of money?? but yes very very good day.